Installment One - Part Four

I woke up this morning thinking about my sister. Yes, the socialite I was talking about in an earlier blog is on my mind once more. Of everyone in my family, she is the one I have the most faith in as far as someday treating me with respect, but my faith in that only goes so far. For now, we have agreed that we shouldn't be talking to each other because we don't get along all that well. The reason for this is that she has been trying to take my inheritance from our mother away from me, and I just couldn't have that. Also, she decided in her own head that my husband is a devil-worshiper from seeing his Myspace page that he hadn't changed in six years. He had some pictures that jokingly portrayed him in plastic armor which he said he was wearing for a Templar meeting. He also had some books on his fave list that she thought were Satanic because of their titles. They were far from Satanic in content, though. These are things that he hadn't taken off his page, because he wasn't worried about that page. He was using a different page when I met him, anyway. These are the two problems I have with her aside from her thinking she didn't abuse me when we were kids/adolescents contributing to my PTSD. Her reasoning behind trying to keep my inheritance is that she has too much to pay for, and as executor of the estate, she feels that she should be entitled to take from me what is my portion to further her means. What I don't understand is who gave her the fucking right to do that to me?! There have been months (before she was threatened to get sued by my stepfather who was married to my mother and couldn't be executor because he doesn't live in the state where the estate is) that I didn't receive anything at all, and she has yet to pay that back. She just stole it right out from under me, but I know she wouldn't see it that way. We finally got it settled between us that a monthly check is sent my way via cashier's checks that are automatically taken from the bank account that was set up for the estate, but she won't get up off her ass and do the paperwork she agreed to do to get my stepfather's name off the estate because he wants us (me, my bro, and sis) to have the property, but he's about to have to file for bankruptcy, and when he does, the estate will be taken from us if she hasn't done the paperwork yet. -sigh- I wish she would just grow up and realize that Mom's death hurt us all, not just her.
So, anyway, I'm sure you as the reader are wondering what she did to me as children. Well, I won't list everything because that'd take all week and then some to finish that one. Top of the list, though, was the time she had a friend over to stay the night, and in the morning, they both snuck into my bedroom before I was awake and punched me in the face, only to force me to smoke my first cigarette later that day. How does one force another to smoke? Simple, and this is how they did it, my sister's fat-ass friend sat on me (I was quite tiny and was not strong) and held my hands down as I was trying to wiggle out from underneath her, but to no avail (when I call her fat-ass, I mean she had to be at least 300 lbs). Then, my sister held my mouth and my nose shut and stuck a lit cigarette into my mouth while still holding my nose and the rest of my mouth shut around it. I tried to hold my breath, but she held it there for so long, the only way for me to breathe was to smoke, thus starting a life-long problem with smoking that I still have difficulty with. Nice way to treat someone who saved you from drowning, huh?!
Honestly, I've been wanting so bad to just stop thinking about these things, but that was traumatic for me, especially since I wanted nothing to do with cigarettes before that. I was 13.
Well, I've wondered into a part of my brain that hurts very badly, so I'm going to take my leave, now. I'll post more blogs later, though. Ta-ta, my dear readers, and don't forget me.