Installment One - Part Two

So, I've been thinking a lot about my family. My mother's dead, my father is a dipwad, my sister can't cope with the loss of our mother and is taking it out on me by tring to force me out of my inheritance, and my brother is a fundamental religious type who can't see that I am worth respect even though I don't believe that Jesus was everything the bible claims he was.

I loved my mother very deeply, and it broke me when she died. She was my closest friend. She listened to me even when I was on the border of insanity, and teetering dangerously over the border. She was my rock. She was the one who I could call at 3 A.M. crying over a nightmare I had. She reminded me in times when I thought I was just the lowest form of scum this world had ever seen that I was beautiful to someone, because I see the world differently than anyone else I knew at the time. When she died, I lost that vital part of my healing. She died when I was going to get my children back, and raise them with her because there's no way I can do it alone, and she knew that; she was willing to give up the last of her youth to see me and my children grow and heal as a family. She was 50 years old, and no one could see it coming. She wasn't ill or in danger, but she died with a phone in one hand, the remote for her tv in the other, pictures of her grandkids all over the floor in front of her, and having gone to the antique store just an hour or so before to get some things for which she had saved some money to buy. I went to her funeral in Mississippi in September 2008. It was the saddest time I had ever experienced in my life. I didn't cry about it at the funeral, but in the days before and until now following it, I've cried very much. The one time I cried in front of my brother about it, he nonchalantly told me, "Now is not the time for emotional outbursts."
That made me cry harder, and he just about flipped his lid! What?! Not a time for emotional outbursts, my patootie! For the love of god, man, my mother just died, you insensitive prick! Yours did too! How can you say that?! So, I learned that day that in the presence of idiots, do not show emotion, because they will use it to torment you. What a way to learn that one, huh? Fine. The only emotion you'll get out of me is anger from now on until you learn some semblance of empathy. It doesn't have to be true empathy, but it doesn't take a psychic to figure out that when someone is sad, don't tell them not to have an emotional outburst! Even my socialite materialistic sister understood that one!
Anyway, I've gone on one of my infamous tangents, and it would be time to continue what I was originally typing about. Well, Here's how my brain works; I get distracted easily, and my thoughts totally scatter to different areas across the galaxy. It's happened as I was writing this and allowed my mind to get distracted by an intrusive thought about my brother. I went on my tangent and lost the rest of what I was going to type here. But it's okay. I can always come back to it later. It being 4:26 in the morning and me having some nice herbs for the pain, it was bound to happen. Time for sleeping here cuddled with my husband breathing over my shoulder has come, and I am glad for its arrival. I hope you as a reader will read more of my posts, and see them as what they are, a woman healing from the pains of her past so the future doesn't keep hold of them, and she may one day be free of the venoms that poison her soul. Goodnight(or, if you prefer, Good Morning).